ISLAMIC MARRIAGE

Islamic Marriage

By

1. Zainul Abideen

Translated By Arshath

Translator's Foreword:

This book has been originally written in Tamil by P. Zainul Abideen.

The author has aimed at shedding light on the Islamic way of marriage. He has explained the subject with reference to verses of Al Qur'an and the authentic sayings of the Prophet (peace be upon him). He has highlighted the importance of marriage and the things to be done before and after the marriage. Also he has pointed out the common mistakes and ignorance which prevails in the Muslim community of India and explains how it is against the teachings of Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him).

1. Zainul Abideen is a prominent islamic scholar in Tamil. His simple and eloquent approach of spreading the word of Allah and his enlightening lectures about Thowheed and attributes of Allah has transformed thousands of people from polytheism to true Islam. Allah has made him one of the main causes of the renaissance among the tamil speaking community.

His enlightened works include the translation of the Holy Qur an and Sunan Tirmidhi in Tamil. He had written number of books in Tamil and spoken on vast diverse topics and did lots of research articles in the field of Fiqh. His Question & Answer program for non muslims in different places of South India is a huge success among the Tamil speaking people. He is well versed in the field of comparative religion and had done various inter faith dialogues and many debates against the critics of Islam.

The translator shares the same view of the author and this has prompted the translation of this book to reach the English speaking masses all over the world.

Besides the original copy, I have referred the following sources.

Muhsin Khan s translation of The Holy Qur an

Sahih Bukhari

Sahih Muslim

Sunan Abu Dawood

Sunan Nasayee

Baihaqee

Sunan Tirmidhi

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

Index

This book briefly explains the rulings of Islamic marriage in the following topics,

Importance of marriage

Purpose of marriage

Guidelines of marriage

Selecting a bride

Seeing the bride

Consent of the bride

Bride s guardian

Forcible marriage

Mahr[1] and Alimony

Dowry! A harder cruelty!

Evil effects of dowry

Marriage agreement

Marriage sermon (Khutbah)

Witnesses

Simple marriage

Marriage banquet

No astrology

Supplication for marriage

Things to be avoided

Gifts

Responsibilities of the couple

People who are prohibited to marry

Prohibited relations to marry

Breastfeeding and its duration

Intercourse

Intercourse during menstruation

This book is suitable to gift during marriages.

Importance of Marriage:

Marriage is one of the most inevitable practices in the human life. Barring very few, the entire human society is for marriages and this itself portrays its importance.

Islam rejects the teachings of certain religions, which claims that marriage is against devotional activities. But on the contrary, it highly recommends marriage.

Narrated Sa'd bin Abi Waqqas (May Allah be pleased with him):

The Prophet prevented 'uthman bin mazun from that (not marrying) and had he allowed him, we would have got ourselves castrated.

[Bukhari, Book 62, Hadith 12]

Narrated Anas bin Malik (May Allah be pleased with him):

A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet asking how the Prophet worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, Where are we from the Prophet as his past and future sins have been forgiven. Then one of them said, I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever. The other said, I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast. The third said, I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever. Allah's Apostle came to them and said, Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers) .

[Bukhari, Book 62, Hadith 1]

From the above Hadith, the importance of marriage for a Muslim can be understood.

Purpose of Marriage:

Islam states two reasons regarding the purpose of marriage.

O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam), and from him (Adam) He created his wife [Hawwa (Eve)], and from them both He created many men and women; and fear Allah through Whom you demand (your mutual rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship) . Surely, Allah is Ever an All-Watcher over you.

Al Qur an 4:1

From this, we can understand that having offsprings is one of the purpose of marriage.

Narrated 'Abdullah (May Allah be pleased with him):

We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Apostle said , O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty.

[Bukhari, Book 62, Hadith 4]

From the above quoted Hadith, we understand that another purpose of marriage is to protect oneself from immoral activities.

Guidelines of Marriage:

Islam frames us the regulations on how a marriage should be done. The Islamic system of marriage is different, revolutionary, easy to practice and economical from the other marriage practices. Only when these regulations are preserved, it is called an Islamic marriage. Let us see those regulations:

Selecting a bride:

Islam clearly emphasize that while choosing a bride, her conduct and character should be considered instead of prioritizing the wealth, tribe or her beauty.

While selecting her partner, a girl should give priority to his character.

Narrated Abu Huraira (May Allah be pleased with him):

The Prophet said, A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.

[Bukhari, Book 62, Hadith 27]

Seeing the Bride:

It is very important to see each other before the marriage. Everyone has their own expectations about their life partner. After the marriage, if they come to know that their life partner doesn t match their expectations, then their good relations may be annoyed. So they should see each other beforehand.

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported: I was in the company of Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) when there came a man and informed him that he had contracted to marry a woman of the Ansar. Thereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be dupon him) said: Did you cast a glance at her? He said: No. He said: Go and cast a glance at her, for there is something in the eyes of the Ansar.

[Muslim, Book 8, Hadith 3314]

Allah s Messenger (peace be upon him) advised him to see the bride beforehand so that he won t reject his wife after marriage citing the reason that the eyes of Ansar women is different from the others.

Mughirah ibn Shu bah (May Allah be pleased with him) said that he proposed to a woman. So, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said to him, Look at her. That would strengthen your love for one another .

[Ahmed 18160, Nasayee 3232, Ibn Majah 1865]

Majority of Muslims are completely ignoring this tradition of Allah s Messenger (peace be upon him). They even consider seeing each other before marriage to be a sin. They should avoid this.

In the name of bride seeing, the mother and sister of the groom see the bride. Instead they are denying the rights of the ones who are going to live together. There are several sayings of the Prophet (peace be upon him) which emphasizes on seeing the bride..

Consent of the bride:

Islam doesn t permit marriages without the bride s consent. It is very important to get her consent.

Narrated Abu Huraira (May Allah be pleased with him):

The Prophet said, A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission. The people asked, O Allah's Apostle! How can we know her permission? He said, Her silence (indicates her permission).

[Bukhari, Book 62, Hadith 67]

Narrated Khansa bint Khidam Al-Ansariya (May Allah be pleased with her): that her father gave her in marriage when she was a matron and she disliked that marriage. So she went to Allah's Apostle and he declared that marriage invalid.

[Bukhari, Book 62, Hadith 69]

Bride s Guardian:

Although consent of the bride is mandatory, Islam doesn t permit her to marry on her own will. Instead, with her full consent, her guardian has to conduct the marriage for her. But a groom doesn t need a similar guardian.

Women shall be protected from cheating men, when their marriages are conducted in front of a responsible guardian. Moreover, the guardian is essential to handover the mahr, which collected from groom.

Almighty Allah, when ordering in the verse 2:221 that one should not marry a woman who associate partners with Allah till she believes, tells at the same time that a woman should not be married to a man who associate partners with Allah till he believes.

From this verse, we understand that men can marry on his own and women should have a guardian or if she doesn t have a guardian, the community leaders should lead to conduct her marriage.

Wed them with the permission of their own folk.

Al Qur an 4:25

This verse also prohibits women to marry on her own.

Narrated Abu Moosa (May Allah be pleased with him): The Prophet said, There is no marriage except with a guardian.

(Tirmidhi)

Forcible Marriage:

If a Muslim woman wishes to marry a Muslim man, then it is the duty of the parents to fulfill her wish. It is a huge sin to deny her wish citing, the wealth, tribe, status. etc., as a reason.

And when you have divorced women and they have fulfilled the term of their prescribed period, do not prevent them from marrying their (former) husbands, if they mutually agree on reasonable basis. This (instruction) is an admonition for him among you who believe in All h and the Last Day. That is more virtuous and purer for you. All h knows and you know not.

Al Qur an 2:232

Allah commands the people who believe in Allah and the last day should give women the rights as prescribed by Him. He tells this to make us understand that whoever snatches the right of women will undergo a severe punishment in the Hereafter.

The present community considers women s wish to be a sin. But during the Prophet s (peace be upon him) period, women had conveyed their wishes.

Narrated Sahl bin Sad As-Sa'idi (May Allah be pleased with him):

A woman came to Allah's Apostle and said, O Allah's Apostle! I have come to give you myself in marriage (without Mahr). Allah's Apostle looked at her. He looked at her carefully and fixed his glance on her and then lowered his head. When the lady peace be upon him that he did not say anything, she sat down. A man from his companions got up and said, O Allah's Apostle! If you are not in need of her, then marry her to me. The Prophet said, Have you got anything to offer? The man said, No, by Allah, O Allah's Apostle! The Prophet said (to him), Go to your family and see if you have something. The man went and returned, saying, No, by Allah, I have not found anything. Allah's Apostle said, (Go again) and look for something, even if it is an iron ring. He went again and returned, saying, No, by Allah, O Allah's Apostle! I could not find even an iron ring, but this is my Izar (waist sheet). He had no rida. He added, I give half of it to her. Allah's Apostle said, What will she do with your Izar? If you wear it, she will be naked, and if she wears it, you will be naked. So that man sat down for a long while and then got up (to depart). When Allah's Apostle peace be upon him him going, he ordered that he be called back. When he came, the Prophet said, How much of the Quran do you know? He said, I know such Sura and such Sura, counting them. The Prophet said, Do you know them by heart? He replied, Yes. The Prophet said, Go, I marry her to you for that much of the Quran which you have .

[Bukhari, Book 62, Hadith 24]

Allah s Messenger (peace be upon him) did not scold her by questioning Don t you have shame to ask this? Because, one must feel shame only to do adultery and not to convey her wish for marriage.

Above quoted verses of Qur an and Sunnah of Prophet are the evidences that women have got the right to choose their life partners. But still, Islam advises that they only should marry through their guardians and the guardian also should not deny that.

Mahr and Alimony:

Alimony given to the women during divorce is a common practice in many communities. But Islam doesn t advocate alimony. But, on the contrary, it orders the men to give a considerable amount to the bride before the marriage itself.

Due to conjugal life women faces a considerable loss. They may be divorced after their beauty and youth are lost. Considering all these facts, Islam gives the right to the women to decide their mahr amount.

Mahr which is proposed by Islam is much safer and certain than the current practice of alimony.

And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart, but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as All h has made it lawful).

Al Qur an 4:4

Women have the right to ask their mahr amount according to their wish. No one else has the right to limit her demand.

But if you intend to replace a wife by another and you have given one of them a Cantar (of gold i.e. a great amount) as Mahr, take not the least bit of it back; would you take it wrongfully without a right and (with) a manifest sin?

Al Qur an 4:20

Since the right to decide the mahr amount is left to the women, they can remit it if they wish or else they can get it by installment. (See Al Qur an 2:237)

Since the women had failed to utilize this right which is given by Islam, their condition has become worse. Since they did not ask their mahr, it has become a common practice for the men to ask them dowry.

A man, who has the obligation to give, has started asking shamelessly. Give(Mahr) , is a more stern order than to say not to ask for dowry. No true Muslim will dare to ask dowry.

Dowry! A harder cruelty!

Islam advises that only men should give mahr and not to demand dowry from women. This is a wise and just verdict.

Since, both men and women yield mutual pleasure from the marriage life, it seems that they need not pay to each other.

But women do more sacrifices to yield this pleasure and carry more burdens. So it is just, only for the men to pay for the women.

When a marriage takes place between a man and a woman, the man stays in his own house with parents and relatives. But the woman, who is younger than the man, leaves her parents and relations and migrates to her husband s house. For this sacrifice of her, the men should pay the women.

 After marriage, the husband doesn t extend any kind of service or help for his wife. Hismaximum help is to to take care of her routine expenses. But a woman carries a lot of burden on her head by cooking for her husband, washing his clothes, taking care of his house, serving his relations along with him etc. Some women in addition to this even bear her mother in law s assault. Even for this reason, the men should pay the women.

 If a woman conceives after marriage, she undergoes a lot of hardships, but the husband doesn t have any difficulty or burden in it. When a woman reaches this stage, she is unable to eat, she is unable to walk or lay down normally. Also she give birth to her child after reaching the brink of death. For this reason alone, she can be paid millions.

Even after giving birth to a child, unlike the father, the mother starts breastfeeding the baby and taking care of it by staying awake. For this reason also, it is fair for the men to pay the women.

 If the babies are born consecutively, then the woman loses all her delight.

No humane person can deny the fact that only men should pay women for marrying him.

Evil effects of Dowry:

Lots of evil effects happen due to the brutal practice of dowry. All those people who demand dowry and all who encourages it will be partners of these evil effects.

For the reason of dowry, there are women who are longing from the age of 15 and not getting married until the age of 30.

Due to this, some women leave their houses and get cheated. A few of these women are forced into prostitution. Those who received dowry, certainly shall have a part of this sin.

There are increasing instances of women suiciding because their marriage being denied due to dowry. Even the parents of the girl suicide with her. Even in this sin, the one who demands dowry has a part.

 The women who elopes with men due to dowry burden affect the future life of the remaining women(sisters) in their family. One who asks for dowry has a part even in this sin too.

 Some of those who understand about dowry and its effects even do female infanticide and some others who come to know through ultrascan, that the one in the womb is a girl, buries the fetus inside the womb itself. The one, who asks for dowry, has a part even in this grievous crime.

A man is forced to put down his self respect and beg to others for the marriage of her daughter, just because, he has a daughter. Even this sin won t leave them as such.

Many women are affected by mental disorders, because they were not given a proper channel for their desires. Even in this crime, the one who asks for dowry has a part.

The people who demands dowry reserve themselves for the punishment for sins that are caused because of dowry. The one who even has a bit of fear about the Day of Judgment will never ask for dowry.

Marriage Agreement:

Islam considers the marriage as an agreement.

And how could you take it (back) while you have gone in unto each other, and they have taken from you a firm and strong covenant?

Al Qur an 4:21

This verse clearly states that marriage is not a bunch of rituals. Rather, it is an agreement.

Agreement should be in a language which is mutually understood by both the parties. Nobody does an agreement in an unknown language.

The father of the bride (or her guardian) asks the groom that he gives his girl with her full consent to him for a certain mahr and asks him whether he agrees to that. Once the groom agrees to that, the agreement gets completed.

Or else, the groom asks the bride s guardian, whether he marries off his girl to him for a certain mahr. Once the bride s guardian agrees to that, the agreement gets completed.

There are no specific wordings for this and it is not that this sentence should be in Arabic.

The Sermon (Khutbah):

A sermon otherwise called Khutbah is usually done during marriages. But it is not necessarily to have a khutbah in marriages.

Allah s Messenger (peace be upon him) has neither gone nor invited for any sermons for marriages.

There is no evidence for a sermon by Allah s Messenger (peace be upon him) even during his daughter s marriage.

But still, Allah s Messenger (peace be upon him) has given sermons in places where people gather. Based on this general approval, if people get benefitted by a sermon during marriage, then the sermon cannot be stopped. But there is no harm to a marriage, if a sermon is not being done.

Witnesses:

There are many sayings of the Prophet (peace be upon him) regarding the witnesses during marriage. But all those are weaker narrations. But still Qur an tells us to keep witnesses during transactions.

The verse 2:282 from the Holy Qur an tells us to keep two witnesses during loan transaction .

Allah says in the Qur an in the verse 4:6, that two witnesses should be made when an orphan s property is released to them.

Allah says in Qur anic verse 5:106, that the time of two witnesses should be made at the time of bequest.

Based on this, we can understand that witnesses are necessary also for marriage.

Like other transactions, at least two witnesses should be made during marriage also because of the reason that one party may refuse the marriage after it has been held or those who commit adultery also can justify themselves as spouses.

Witnesses are made to acknowledge the facts if any issue arises in the future. Witnesses are not made as a ritual.

Witnesses should know the consent of the bride and the amount of mahr given. It is useless if witnesses are made without knowing these facts.

Simple marriage:

Islam emphasize us to conduct the marriages with a less expenditure. Marriages should not be done to show off one s financial status.

And it is He Who produces gardens trellised and untrellised, and date palms, and crops of different shape and taste (its fruits and its seeds) and olives, and pomegranates, similar (in kind) and different (in taste). Eat of their fruit when they ripen, but pay the due thereof (it s Zak t, according to Allah s Orders 1/10th or 1/20th) on the day of its harvest, and waste not by extravagance. Verily, He likes not Al-Musrif n (those who waste by extravagance).

Al Qur an 6:141

Eat and drink but waste not by extravagance, certainly He (Allah) likes not Al-Musrif n (those who waste by extravagance).

Al Qur an 7:31

And give to the kindred his due and to the Misk n (poor) and to the wayfarer. But spend not wastefully (your wealth) in the manner of a spendthrift. Verily, spendthrifts are brothers of the Shayat n (devils), and the Shait n (Devil Satan) is ever ungrateful to his Lord.

Al Qur an 17:26, 27

Especially, Allah s Messenger has highly recommended conducting marriages in a simple manner.

Aisha (May Allah be pleased with her) narrated, The marriage which is blessed with the greatest amount of Barakah (blessings) is that marriage wherein the least expense is incurred.

[Ahmad]

Marriage banquet:

The feast given by the groom after the marriage is called Walima[2]. It is a tradition of the Prophet (peace be upon him).

Feast given by the bride s side either on their own or asked by the groom s side is an indirect dowry. Feast given by the bride s side is not a practice during the Prophet s (peace be upon him) time.

It is not that the groom has to compulsorily give the feast or to give it by getting debt. The Sunnah will be achieved even if he gives the simple food to a very less number of people according to his status.

Narrated Anas (May Allah be pleased with him):

The Prophet stayed for three days between Khaibar and Medina, and there he consummated his marriage to Safiyya bint Huyai. I invited the Muslims to the wedding banquet in which neither meat nor bread was offered. He ordered for leather dining-sheets to be spread, and dates, dried yoghurt and butter were laid on it, and that was the Prophet's wedding banquet.

[Bukhari, Book 7, Volume 62, Hadith 22]

Narrated Safiyya bint Shaiba (May Allah be pleased with her):

The Prophet gave a banquet with two Mudds of barley on marrying some of his wives. (1 Mudd = 1 3/4 of a kilogram).

[Bukhari, Book 7, Volume 62, Hadith 101]

Narrated Anas (May Allah be pleased with him):

The Prophet did not give a better wedding banquet on the occasion of marrying any of his wives than the one he gave on marrying Zainab, and that banquet was with (consisted of) one sheep.

[Bukhari, Book 7, Volume 62, Hadith 97]

Allah s Messenger (peace be upon him) in his biggest Walima gave a sheep. That was his biggest Walima. So lavishness done in the name of banquets should be abstained.

Difference among rich and poor should not be shown while inviting for Walima.

Narrated Abu Huraira (May Allah be pleased with him):

The worst food is that of a wedding banquet to which only the rich are invited while the poor are not invited. And he who refuses an invitation (to a banquet) disobeys Allah and His Apostle.

[Bukhari, Book 7, Volume 62, Hadith 106]

If a person is invited for a Walima banquet, he should not deny it. In the chain of the above said Hadith, it is narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) told that whoever does not accept the Walima banquet has done a denial to Allah and His Messenger.

Although, accepting the banquet is necessary, if any practices against the Deen[3] goes on at the place of the banquet or if the host is an immoral person, then one should abstain from that.

Narrated Ali (May Allah be pleased with him): I prepared a feast and invited The Prophet to my house. When he came and peace be upon him a picture in my house, he left back.

[Nasayee]

Following the path of the Prophet (peace be upon him), the Companions of the Prophet also has taken a hard stand on this.

A person invited Abu Masood (May Allah be pleased with him) to a feast. He asked, Is there idols in their house? He told yes. He said In that case, I won t come, till it is broken , and he went only after it was broken.

[Baihaqee]

We arranged a feast during my father s time. My father had invited the people. Abu Ayyub (May Allah be pleased with him) was also there among the invitees. When he came to the house, he peace be upon him the walls being decorated by silk clothes. When he peace be upon him me, he asked O Abdullah! Are you decorating the walls by silk? My father told, Women had excelled us . There upon Abu Ayyub (May Allah be pleased with him) said, I don t fear that women will excel you . Also he left back saying, I won t eat your food and I won t come inside your house .

[Thabraani s Kabeer]

Prophet (peace be upon him) and his Companions had ignored the banquet even for a reason which is often considered as a insignificant thing by us.

We are participating in the banquets without any hesitation which has hundred times more lavishness and evils in it. We have to determine by seeing whether it is right.

No astrology:

There is nothing like good day and bad day for conducting marriage. The one who believes in destiny cannot believe simultaneously that good things happen in certain days and bad things happen in certain days.

There is nothing like, if one does marriage in a full moon day, it will be good and if he does marriage in a no moon day, it will be bad. There is no evidence for this belief.

We see a numerous marriage conducting during full moon days getting broken. From this we can understand that it is a superstition.

The Arabs who lived during the time of Prophet (peace be upon him) believed the month of Shawwal to be a bad one and they won t conduct any good functions during that time.

'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) reported: Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) contracted marriage with me in Shawwal and took me to his house as a bride during Shawwal. And who among the wives of Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) was dearer to him than I.

[Muslim, Book 8, Hadith 3312]

So we can conduct marriages in whatever month, day or time. Considering a certain day or time to be bad is a huge sin.

Narrated Abu Huraira (May Allah be pleased with him):

Allah's Apostle said, Allah said, The offspring of Adam abuse the Dahr (Time), and I am the Dahr; in My Hands are the night and the day. !

[Bukhari, Book 8, Volume 73, Hadith 200]

So if we say or believe a day to be bad, then we will get the sin of saying Allah to be bad.

Supplication for marriage:

In our country a supplication is commonly made during the marriage. The supplication which goes like Allahumma allif bainahuma was not there during the times of the Prophet (peace be upon him), his companions, taabi een[4] or the four imams. It is an invention of some people from India.

This supplication goes like telling May you live like Adam-Hawwa , May you live like Ayyub-Rahima .

We don t know how these Prophets and their wives lived and we don t know how much their wives were obedient to them. It is meaningless to ask a similar life without knowing how they lived.

The Holy Qur an tells us not to follow the things in which we have no knowledge. (See Al Qur an 7:38)

So we should not do such supplications and also there is no proof for congregational supplication.

Prophet (peace be upon him) had done lots of supplications to the newly wed couples.

Narrated Anas (May Allah be pleased with him):

The Prophet peace be upon him the traces of Sufra (yellow perfume) on abdur-rahman bin 'Auf and said, What is this? 'abdur-rahman, said, I have married a woman and have paid gold equal to the weight of a datestone (as her Mahr). The Prophet said to him, May Allah bless you: Offer a wedding banquet even with one sheep .

[Bukhari, Book 62, Hadith 85]

With this proof, we can wish them by saying Barakallahu laka . Also there is another Hadith saying Barakallahu laka wa baaraka alaikka wa jam a bainakuma fee khair .

Narrated Abu Hurayrah (May Allah be pleased with him):

When the Prophet (peace be upon him) congratulated a man on his marriage, he said: Barakallahu laka wa baaraka alaikka wa jam a bainakuma fee khair .

[Abu Dawood, Book 11, Hadith 2125]

The meaning of this supplication is May Allah bless for you, and may He bless on you, and combine both of you in good (works). Every one of us has to wish the newlywed with this supplication.

Things to be avoided:

There are lots of rituals commonly seen in the Muslim community during the marriage. There is no relation between Islam and those rituals. These rituals should be avoided.

 Wearing a thin rope around the neck called mangal sutra[5].

 A plate containing water mixed with turmeric and lime waved to send away the bad omens

 Women producing a sound by moving the tongue rapidly across open mouth while emitting a low-pitched sound

 A formal hug to the groom after the marriage gets over

 Men and women teasing the newlywed couple

 Groom procession

 Conducting music and dance concerts

 Asking gifts/dowry from the bride s side on several occasions after the marriage.

 Forcing the bride s family to put ornaments to the first born baby

 Placing the expense for the first delivery of the wife on her family s head

 Asking feast from the bride s home on many occasions citing different reasons.

These evils copied from the other religious people should be avoided.

Narrated Abdullah ibn Umar (May Allah be pleased with him):

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: He who copies any people is one of them.

[Abu Dawood, Book 32, Hadith 4020]

Gifts:

To receive gifts from kith and kin during marriages or on other occasions is permitted in Islam.

 Narrated 'Umar (May Allah be pleased with him): Allah's Apostle (PBUH) used to give me something but I would say to him, would you give it to a poorer and more needy one than l? The Prophet (PBUH) said to me, Take it. If you are given something from this property, without asking for it or having greed for it take it; and if not given, do not run for it.

[Bukhari, Book 24, Hadith 552]

This Hadith tells that the gifts should not be denied. But still fake gift has to be denied. A fake gift is that it is given to someone with the intention of getting something back from him. Gifts given with the intention to get something back cannot be called as gifts.

Narrated Ibn 'Abbas (May Allah be pleased with him):

The Prophet said, He who takes back his present is like him, who swallows his vomit.

[Bukhari, Book 47, Hadith 790]

These fake gifts surely should be avoided.

Responsibilities of the couple:

Narrated Abu Huraira (May Allah be pleased with him):

Allah's Apostle said, The woman is like a rib; if you try to straighten her, she will break. So if you want to get benefit from her, do so while she still has some crookedness .

[Bukhari, Book 62, Hadith 113]

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.

[Muslim, Book 8, Hadith 3469]

Prophet (peace be upon him) said, The most perfect of the believers in faith are the best of them in morals. And the best among them are those who are best to their wives .

[Ahmad, 7354, Tirmidhi 1162]

Narrated Mu'awiyah ibn Haydah (May Allah be pleased with him): I said: Apostle of Allah, how should we approach our wives and how should we leave them? He replied: Approach your tilth when or how you will, give her (your wife) food when you take food, clothe when you clothe yourself, do not revile her face, and do not beat her.

[Abu Dawood, Book 11, Hadith 2138]

People who are prohibited to marry:

1) Those who associate partners with Allah should not be married

And do not marry Al-Mushrik t (idolatresses, etc.) till they believe (worship All h Alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah (idolatress, etc.), even though she pleases you. And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrik n till they believe (in All h Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater, etc.), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrik n) invite you to the Fire, but All h invites (you) to Paradise and Forgiveness by His Leave, and makes His Ay t (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) clear to mankind that they may remember.

Al Qur an 2:221

O you who believe! When believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them, All h knows best as to their Faith, then if you ascertain that they are true believers, send them not back to the disbelievers, they are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them. But give the disbelievers that (amount of money) which they have spent [as their Mahr] to them. And there will be no sin on you to marry them if you have paid their Mahr to them. Likewise hold not the disbelieving women as wives, and ask for (the return of) that which you have spent (as Mahr) and let them (the disbelievers, etc.) ask back for that which they have spent. That is the Judgement of All h. He judges between you. And All h is All-Knowing, All-Wise.

Al Qur an 60:10

2) Should not marry till Iddah[6] gets over:

Women who lost her husband should not marry or does agreement for marriage till the iddah period gets over.

And there is no sin on you if you make a hint of betrothal or conceal it in yourself, All h knows that you will remember them, but do not make a promise of contract with them in secret except that you speak an honourable saying according to the Isl mic law (e.g. you can say to her, If one finds a wife like you, he will be happy ). And do not consummate the marriage until the term prescribed is fulfilled. And know that All h knows what is in your minds, so fear Him. And know that All h is Oft-Forgiving, Most Forbearing.

Al Qur an 2:235

3) Should not marry father s wife:

And marry not women whom your fathers married, except what has already passed; indeed it was shameful and most hateful, and an evil way.

Al Qur an 4:22

Prohibited relations to marry:

Men are not allowed to marry the following relations:

1) Mother

2) Daughter

3) Sister

4) Mother s sister

5) Father s sister

6) Brother s daughters

7) Sister s daughters

8) Foster mother

9) Foster mother s daughters

10) Wife s mother

11) Wife s daughter

12) Son s wife

13) To have two sisters as wives at the same time

Relations which are prohibited for women to marry:

1) Father

2) Son

3) Brother

4) Mother s brother

5) Father s brother

6) Brother s son

7) Sister s son

8) Foster mother s husband

9) Foster mother s son

10) Husband s father

11) Husband s son

12) Daughter s husband

13) To marry sister s husband when he is living with her

 From Al Qur an 4:23, we understand that women are not allowed to marry the above relations.

Forbidden to you (for marriage) are: your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your father's sisters, your mother's sisters, your brother's daughters, your sister's daughters, your foster mother who gave you suck, your foster milk suckling sisters, your wives' mothers, your step daughters under your guardianship, born of your wives to whom you have gone in - but there is no sin on you if you have not gone in them (to marry their daughters), - the wives of your sons who (spring) from your own loins, and two sisters in wedlock at the same time, except for what has already passed; verily, All h is Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful.

Al Qur an 4:23

Narrated Aisha (May Allah be pleased with her) (regarding) the Verse: 'And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans...' (4.3) It is about the orphan girl who is in the custody of a man who is her guardian, and he intends to marry her because of her wealth, but he treats her badly and does not manage her property fairly and honestly. Such a man should marry women of his liking other than her, two or three or four. 'Prohibited to you (for marriage) are: ...your foster-mothers (who suckled you).' (4.23) Marriage is prohibited between persons having a foster suckling relationship corresponding to a blood relationship which renders marriage unlawful.

[Bukhari, Book 62, Hadith 35]

Narrated Abu Huraira (May Allah be pleased with him): Allah's Apostle said, A woman and her paternal aunt should not be married to the same man; and similarly, a woman and her maternal aunt should not be married to the same man.

[Bukhari, Book 62, Hadith 45]

It is not forbidden to marry wife s maternal aunt or paternal aunt after the death of the wife of after she has been divorced.

Breastfeeding and its duration :

Many people think that in whatever age suckling happens, a woman becomes a mother. The mother-child relationship will only be formed when suckling happens within the first two years of childhood.

Al Qur an 2:233 tells that the suckling period is only two years.

Mother-child relationship happens only the suckling satisfies the hunger and suckling happens more than four times.

Narrated 'Aisha (May Allah be pleased with her): that the Prophet entered upon her while a man was sitting with her. Signs of anger seemed to appear on his face as if he disliked that. She said, Here is my (foster) brother. He said, Be sure as to who is your foster brother, for foster suckling relationship is established only when milk is the only food of the child.

[Bukhari, Book 62, Hadith 39]

'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her), Suwaid and Zubair reported Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) as saying: One suckling or two do not make (marriage) unlawful.

[Muslim, Book 8, Hadith 3414]

In another narration of Aisha (May Allah be pleased with her), it is narrated that it is prohibited to marry only if suckling happens five times.

Intercourse:

Muslims believe many fabricated stories regarding intercourse. But in Islam, only fewer restrictions are made in this.

During menstruation:

Intercourse should not be done during menstruation period.

They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is an Adha (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore keep away from women during menses and go not unto them till they have purified (from menses and have taken a bath). And when they have purified themselves, then go in unto them as All h has ordained for you (go in unto them in any manner as long as it is in their vagina). Truly, All h loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves (by taking a bath and cleaning and washing thoroughly their private parts, bodies, for their prayers, etc.).

Al Qur an 2:222

Intercourse via anus forbidden:

Narrated Abu Hurayrah (May Allah be pleased with him):

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: He who has intercourse with his wife through her anus is accursed.

[Abu Dawood, Book 11, Hadith 2157]

There are no other restrictions in intercourse. All the narrations which are told in the name of Ali (May Allah be pleased with him) that intercourse during a particular day and time is forbidden is fabricated.

All the sayings like, one should only indulge in intercourse in a certain way and one should not see the other s private parts are lies.

Allah doesn t hide anything. If anything more should have been restricted, then He would have told that.

Couples should pay attention to the above said advices. May Allah make us to follow these advices and May He make us successful!

[1] Mahr is an amount (either money or an equivalent) paid by the groom to the bride at the time of marriage.

[2] Walima or the marriage banquet, is the second of the two traditional parts of an Islamic wedding. The walima is performed after the marriage ceremony.

[3] Deen means way of life.

[4] The Taabi een (Followers) are the generation of Muslims who were born after the death of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) but who were contemporaries of the Sahaba Companions .

[5] Mangal sutra is considered as a sacred thread of love and goodwill worn by women as a symbol of their marriage.

[6] Iddah is the period a woman must observe after the death of her spouse or after a divorce, during which she may not marry another man.

04.06.2012. 4:09 AM